in answer to gavra and jothar….I don’t question poskim if they want to issue certain piskei halocho. My main argument is that there are many answers to these questions, often depending on the circumstances of the time. My argument is with the so-called ‘absoluteness” of authority vested in certain rabbonim, to the total exclusion of all others.
This is a long sugya but if start looking at the Rambam and shulchan aruch hilchos gerim, it expressly says that you teach the prospective ger “mikzas mitzvos”. In other words, he does not have to know (and practice) all mitzvos. This is clear. He does have to accept toe “principle’ of Toirah and the ultimate acceptance of mitzvos but it is crystal clear that , at hte moent of acceptance to become a ger, he does not have to know everything or practice all.
Secondly, in the same hilchos geirim, it states explicitly that if a geir goes through the mechanical process of geirus (tevilah and milah for a male), EVEN IF AFTERWARDS, it transpires that he became a ger for a specific purpose (i.e. to get married) he is a ger “lekol dovor”.
Thirdly, there is absolutely no mention ANYWHERE that, if one becomes a ger, you can cancel it retroactively. “Punkt farkert” in the acharonim, they mention the gemoro in shabbos where hillel ACCEPTED a ger even though he said he did it for a purpose and woudl not accept all miztvos at the time and tosefos says hillel di it because he knew (and hoped) that he would keep ALL mitzvos as he learned more of yiddishkeit!
If you can’t look these halochos I’ll be happy to point you to the actual sources.
There is also a whole sugya about ketanim that can and should be used for the children of mixed marriages.
These are just the sources that, to mnay Poskim, maes it possible to be “meikel”. This is my whole point- that flexibility in halocho has totally disappeared in some quarters and this was not the norm in past centuries. (before you jump on me for the term flexibility- I am specifically talking about finding soruces in halocho that would permit an easier path-yes, koach de-hetira odif)