I am curious, Tzippi, as to why you feel this is an inyan requiring the asking of a shailah? I am not trying to be flip in my response, I am genuinely mystified as to what halachic issue is being compromised. It would enlighten me greatly if I could understand this better. Is it that there is an idea of “gneivas daas” involved, i.e. that the first family believes themselves to be the one and only shidduch being redt? If so, perhaps the solution to that is for everyone across the board to accept the idea that the early bird gets the worm (excuse the expression),a nd they should not be sitting on an answer as to whether or not they will accept the shidduch. Like everything else in life, the laws of supply and demand are very influential. If a boy’s mother knew he might lose out on a shidduch because she is not responding promptly, and that the girl has other shidduchim in the offing, maybe that would encourage the boy’s side to get back to the shadchan more quickly.
I am honest to say that I am not in the type of chevra that normally will conduct their shidduch pursuits in this particular derech, but the experience of my friend whom I mentioned, as well as acquaintances who have been discussing the whole “shidduch crisis” issue, leads me to conclude that there are some avoidable problems, if people would consider the possibility of revamping one or two aspects of the system. I know it works well for many, but for those for whom it does not work, what are they supposed to do?