areivimzehlazeh
you are a billion percent right.
It makes sense.if you have options then you can choose.if you only have one then you can only deal with that one.Which is why in my opinion that the one thing that is contributing greatley to the shidduch crisis is the lists.
My friends who have brothers in the parsha and shadchanim that my family knows described the boys list scenerios to me.
Most(not all) boys have lists of girls names.Their mothers find out which girls are the richest, prettiest and compare and which ever one is the best catch in their mind .And all the other girls fall to the waste side( yes I know that if Hashem wants some one to get married he will find a way but why do we have to be the cause of someone not getting married right away we don’t have to be the shaliach of that- “Megalgilin Zechus al yedei Zakai vechova al yedei chayav)These other girls get -excuse me for a better lack of words – “recycled”.
WE NEED TO PUT A STOP TO BOYS HAVING LISTS!
As a shadchan when you call up a boy tell his mother I have an idea for your son and ask her if she has any other names.If she says yes then tell her when you are done with those then call me up and I will be glad to give you this girl’s name.What is the point of adding another girls name to a boy that already has girls just so that she becomes another girl to compare to.This isn’t a cattle market.You are dealing with people.You are dealing with yiddishe neshamos!And belive it or not a lot of girls find out who they are being redt to.And these girls sit and pray that one boy will say yes to them.They and their parents sit by the phone and cry every night! These ridiculous lists are destroying people!The lists make some boy’s balei gavah,their mothers ask ridiculous questions because they can’t choose between the “rich girls” and “they all sound the same”, it makes girls cry that they are not good enough!Girls don’t have lists -good girls go months with out having one date!
Is this what Hashem wants?! Is this the way we build a bais neeman! Do you think that by making people cry Hashem will bring bracha?!
By making people cry do you think that the Bais Hamekdash will be built any faster? I don’t think so!
Klal Yisroel has suffered enough!
By shlomo hamelech they lost the milchamos because Klal Yisroel wasn’t beachdus- and they were a dor of Tzaddikim.And by Achav who was a rasha they won their milchamos because they were achdusdik.When there is achdus Hashem brings Bracha! Perhaps in the zechus of us helping to take away other people’s pain or try to prevent someone else’s pain, Hashem will look down on us and see our pain in galus and bring the Geulah bemhaira veameinu amen!