Reply To: Dating: Parents or Girl?

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#652117
gourmet
Member

Just my two cents: yes, parents say they want the best for their kids, but sometimes their own unfulfilled dreams kind of take over. It’s a universal phenomenon- in secular American culture, for instance, many parents push their kids to apply to Ivy League schools. If you ask them, they will tell you they want the best for their children, and what’s best is a degree from a prestigious university. But that doesn’t mean that Ivies really are the best fit for the children- they’re not for everyone. But the parents get fixated and insist that Harvard will be the best fit because either they feel bad that they themselves didn’t get in, or because they want to be able to kvell about having a kid in Harvard.

The frum world is not immune to this, and that’s scary because when it comes to marriage, the stakes are much higher. Parents are excellent resources for advice in these matters; if they say something, you should listen and take it seriously. But it’s still your prerogative to ignore their advice; the halacha says as much. Yes, a young couple can be blinded by infatuation, but parents can be equally blinded by money, yichus, and the girl’s dress size.

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