Joseph wrote: “TJ, Actually you are incorrect regarding Reb Yaakov paskening it permissable to shake hands to avoid embarasement. In the mekor provided, Reb Yaakov states “Regarding returning a handshake to women when they extend their hand first in greeting, not in an affectionate manner, this is a very serious question and it is difficult to be lenient.” Reb Yaakov goes on to state that in a situation where there will cause embarasement, it requires further study whether it is permissable to be lenient or not.”
I never said that R’ Ya’akov “pasken[ed] it permissable to shake hands to avoid embarasement.” I refer you to what I wrote above: “[Where] return[ing] a handshake won’t cause embarrassment… R’ Ya’akov [was] inclined to assur returning the handshake.” I also wrote: “R’ Ya’akov wrote “tzarich iyun” in such a case where returning a handshake would be necessary to avoid embarrassing someone.” You are arguing against a phantom here.
Joseph wrote: “Reb Moshe, multiple times in the Igros Moshe, is very clear that it is assur.”
Again, I never disagreed with that. (However, as I mentioned before, he was lomeid zechus on those who hold that it is muttar.) At the risk of repeating myself, I was simply reporting what R’ Reuvein said about R’ Moshe giving a different p’sak when the person would be embarrassed. This p’sak wasn’t in Igros Moshe.
Joseph wrote: “TJ, If someone asked you to call them on Shabbos, and you telling them sorry I can’t do that would embarrass them for asking, would you be mechalel shabbos to prevent their embarrassment?”
I don’t know exactly how embarrassment factors into p’sak regarding handshaking, but I can offer some conjecture. (1.) According the preponderance of poskim, there is no inherent issur involved in physical contact with a woman – it is dependent on the type of contact and whether it is “derech chiba v’ta’avah.” In a case where the person would be embarrassed if you don’t shake their hand, that concern itself may affect the halachic nature of the handshake given that the circumstances are such that you are only handshaking to avoid the other person being humiliated. As such, such a handshake might not be considered “derech chiba.” (2.) The Taz and the Shach have a fairly meikel view of physical contact. The Shach, for example writes that physical contact is only assur if it is “derech ta’avah v’chibas bi’ah.” It seems like these opinions would mattir handshaking. Perhaps the threat of humiliation justifies following a more lenient opinion. (3.) The Yerushalmi’s consideration of “ain yetzer hara matzui l’sha’ah” is an additional factor that might be relied upon when there is a threat of embarrassing someone. (4.) A non-sakana type of mishoom eivah can override a d’rabanan. In the case of a goyah, she an ervah mid’rabbanan, and therefore lo sikrevu would only be d’rabbanan even l’fi HaRambam. As a result, avoiding embarrassing a goyah might be an additional factor to justify handshaking.
You can’t violate lavim, but perhaps you can be someich on mitigating factors. Even R’ Ya’akov, who didn’t pasken either way in this case, thought that there MIGHT be a tzad l’hakeil. It is clearly not so poshut.