C.S, my first reaction was a bit of a wonderment…20 yr old panicking already? but truth be told the shidduch system can stress any girl at any age out!!! and it doesn’t help when your mother adds to that tension but being overly worried about you “being single whole life”.
I know girls who got married at 23 with boys who are 23, the girls had to wait for the boy to grow up and start dating lol
I know of girls who got so pressured into getting out of the “single” stage that they married too quickly, without real introspection as to whether they really felt comfortable with the boy or not. some got divorced, while some are unhappy with their marriage and going to counsling ( im not saying that this doesn’t happen to those who get married later or those who arn’t so young) but the factor leading to the above mentioned divorces is the recognition after the wedding, party, balloons, pictures ect that this boy isnt’ really for them, or this boy lacks middos but they overlooked that cuz they JUST NEEDED to get married!!
Chas Veshalom don’t put urself in such a matzav!!
you deserve to feel comfortable with your spouse and not deem him “weird”
The question is when do u say” im not going out with this boy anymore” and when “i’ll give him another chance”…I think im gona go with yoshi and say that mayb give some of boys you date a 2nd date, 2nd chance.
I know myself…I have dated a boy whom i thought was too blunt and strange on first date, only to realize that he was very nervious and on 2nd date it was much better.
Things didn’t work out for other reason…however i was glad i gave it another date to know for sure!
I have a friend who also has “technical issues”, nothing she did or cud do about, nothing that would really reflect on who she is and what great person she is…however
she gets redt boys 10 years older than her!!
thats where i stepped in and tried to see if i can redt her shidduchim…
so my advice to you….FIND A DIFF SHADCHAN! or a family friend who cares and wants to look out for you! don’t be embarressed telling family relatives and friends what ur looking for….they might suggest s/o “normal” and they might present your “situation” to the other side with more optimism and in a more respectabler manner so that others can overlook any technical issues and see you for the great girl that you are and for what u have to bring to the table!
and last, DON’T panick, daven to Hashem because HE KNOWS what He’s doing!! He knows right time and right place and right boy for you…so daven to Him!! and then relax, because you know He’ll take care of you. as long as u do your hishtadlus and be reasonable in your decisions Hashem won’t leave you hanging!!
We shud hear only simchas from everyone!