The bottom line is.Each situation has to be dealt with appropriately.
I am on both ends 1-I am a shadchan and redd shiduchim..2) I am on the listening end as well.
I do sometimes speak with the actual boy or girl themselves all ages- older or previously married is definitely more common.
sometimes I do feel the parents are being too picky and not even on the same page as their children-this is where it is necesary to speak to the ‘client’ themselves.
At the same time my daughter doesnt want to handle any of this on her own..it just confuses her.and some shadchanim are so overbearing…
And yes, I had to deal with my own ‘dirty work’
Its a new world….