“She once told me she would never consider a BT. I replied, “Really? It’s a good thing your father didn’t feel that way.”
Although I do think this was a good answer, I can tell you from experience that marrying a BT can be a huge challenge, and I would NOT bedavka seek out that shidduch for my children. I am married to a phenomenal man, a truly ehrliche frum man, whose middos of chessed clearly derived directly from Avraham Avinu. He became frum in his 20s, at least 5 years before we met. His parents were wonderful people and I dearly loved them (no in-law jokes in my household). BUT, there is no question that it took a lot of work to make it work, and I was very fortunate. My in-laws had GREAT respect for my husband’s decision to be frum, and were very supportive of him.
Many parents of BT view the change as a rejection of their own values, and they do not emotionally support the decision of their child to be religious. If the child is young, they don’t want to hear about Yeshivas and tuition, or kashrus, or no tv on Shabbos. In some cases, they actively seek to discourage the religious forays that their child is making, or put down frumkeit.
And what happens when there is a (non-kosher and R”L non-JEWISH) celebration in the family? As loving and supportive as my in-laws were, when a very close relative married a non-Jew, they were VERY hurt that we did not go to what they viewed as a family simcha. There was great machlokess for almost a year, where the family member did not forgive us, until there was a death in the family, and it became less important to them to continue a grudge.
And what happens when the grandchildren can’t eat (without great preparation in advance)in the treif home, or don’t understand why Grandma and Grandpa (as opposed to Bubby and Zeidy) really have no interest in attending their siddur party? That was very hard on my kids, even with my in-laws being so wonderful. My shver, who was a real tzaddik bein odom l’chaveiro, did not attend the 8th grade graduation ceremony when my son received the highest Talmud award (and my parents O”H were long gone, unfortunately), because he was also invited to his great-granddaughter’s first birthday party. He did not “get” how important it was to my son for his only living grandparent to see him receive this award, and watch him graduate. Had he been Valedictorian, he would have attended.
It is not so “glatt” to say go out with a BT. If you do, it has to be with eyes wide open, and anticipating the possible pitfalls, i.e., people who flip in and flip out or people who put too much emphasis on the tafeil, and not enough on the ikkar. It is not for us to decide if someone should marry a BT. Only each person on an individual basis can make that determination. Knowing what I know, though I would not STOP such a shidduch, I would not deliberately look for it.