People need to choose what truly works for them, but they need to do a din v’cheshbon and truly decide what “works” for them and not do what other people “expect” of them. Every year you get to sit and learn in Kollel should be considered a gift and it should be appreciated. Every wife who chooses to support her husband in their learning should be appreciated and treated like a queen. Every parent who chooses to support their children in learning should be treated with the utmost appreciation and gratitude. But in no way should a Kollel Couple feel it is coming to them and should they expect it. And when the financial sources dry up, or when a woman feels she can no longer keep working and support the family, she should be able to approach a husband and feel understood and supported when it is time to hand over the reigns of support and there should be a plan in place when that moment comes or when the time comes that parents can no longer continue support or must shift the support to the next couple in line.
In addition, when a man feels that he has taken advantage of the opportunity for as long as he can and he must now go on to the next mitzvah of being mepahrness his family, his wife, and his Rosh Yeshiva should respect him and his decision and support that. When a true talmid Torah, who takes his learning to heart and can no longer watch his wife work so hard and burden herself with so much responsibility has the chochmas lev to take over, you really have to applaud his insight and his love for his wife and family.
Those bochurim who choose to understand the mitzvah of mepharness their own mishpacha and do not wish to put that “ole” on anyone else and still find a zman kavuah to learn should be respected and supported in that decision. Each decision is “right” for the person making it and neither should be disrespected or looked down upon.