One more thing. I wish someone or some group would publish a proper way to let a boy or girl down easily without hurting their feelings when they get a “NO” for an answer. This is probably the hardest thing a person has to do ever, and that is why many people don’t want to get involved.
However, if there was a way to handle it that is universally acceptable and worded appropriately and that parents and kids would accept without taking it personally, more people would work on it. When you have to say “NO” to someone you are always reluctant to call back, so you wait a little then they call you and you try to think of a good response, sometimes fibbing. The truth is just because I think or someone else thinks someone is a good shidduch it certainly doesn’t mean that we are right and that either party will agree. We can only try. So when we have to return a negative answer it is so difficult when the party starts in with “tell me the truth THEY think we are not good enough right? They are looking for money? What’s wrong with my daughter and so on.” Or even worse when a prospect is redt some responses go like “That is who you are proposing for my child? Or sure it wasn’t good enough for so and so that is why you are bringing it to me.”
Honestly, there needs to be a handbook published to be given out at graduation to ALL PARENTS about the etiquette of handling shiducchim. Because someone is turned down it is not a negative on them, the other party has their reasons where they are reasonable or not, but it is their problem or issue if they don’t want to give you a chance. I look at it as “their loss”.
When I redt a shidduch if someone callously tells me “I will put her on my list” I tell them “No thank you, my girls are too good to go on anyone’s list. Put ME on your list and when you are ready call me back. I try not to give the girl’s name unless I see some interest, that way if they give me the stupid “list” answer they have no clue who I am speaking about.