Estherh:
-How do you know for sure that ‘there’s nothing wrong with her?’ I would think there MUST be something wrong, if after 20 years she ‘can’t be bothered’.
-Maybe she is trying to say something like “we can’t keep up the same standard of previous years, and I am too frustrated to bother trying, and too embarrassed to be honest about it, because I know that you feel it’s a zechus to send nice Mishloach Monos”?
-Has it always been, you send to her, and then she sends back to you? Perhaps, for whatever reason, she just wants to break the cycle?
-Perhaps it would be better to be dan l’kaf zechus and let her try to save face.
Re: Pesach cleaning: honestly, some women really struggle with it.
Personally, I feel like I have enough on my plate trying to live up to HaShem’s expectations without also having to live up to my neighbors’.