I Can't Be Bothered!
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- This topic has 28 replies, 21 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 3 months ago by d a.
March 1, 2010 7:22 pm at 7:22 pm #591305
On Friday my neighbour said to me “I can’t be bothered to send Mishloach monos this year Please don’t send me any, I was so taken back. We have been sending each other for 20 years and before you ask nothing is wrong with her. She just could not be bothered!I sent her and she sent me back.
In the same frame I really feel uncomfotable when ladies complain about Pesach cleaning.
I do feel it is a zechus to send nice Mishloach Monos.
It is also a great zechus to do Pesach cleaning = removing Chometz from your house. For those of you who can do spring cleaning too, lucky you.
Enjoy your Pesach cleaning and as you remove chometz from your house try and remove “chometz” (yetzer horah) from your hearts. Keep Happy!March 1, 2010 7:25 pm at 7:25 pm #681243HIEParticipant
It’s very rude to say thatMarch 1, 2010 7:26 pm at 7:26 pm #681244WolfishMusingsParticipant
It is rude. But when people are harried and hectic, they sometimes say things they otherwise wouldn’t. It sounds like your neighbor is in that situation.
Just let it go. It’s not worth bearing a grudge over.
The WolfMarch 1, 2010 7:35 pm at 7:35 pm #681245
SOMETHING is wrong, if you have been sending for 20 years and now she can’t be bothered –
SOMETHING is bothering her, maybe she is feeling down or overwhelmed, or SOMETHING that she has not shared with you…
Maybe it would be appropriate after a 20 year relationship, to give her a little benefit of doubt…March 1, 2010 7:45 pm at 7:45 pm #681246jphoneMember
Just a thought.
Maybe it is her way of saying I cant afford to reciprocate to 150 people with mishloach manos because I cant afford it. Perhaps, what is “wrong” is that the financial situation in the home has reached a point where the family (you didnt say specifically it is a family I admit) is groaning under financial strain and this is their way of saying we can not afford to send mishloach manos. Perhaps the Mr. in this family said the same to a bunch of his acquaintances too?March 1, 2010 7:49 pm at 7:49 pm #681247HidingUnderCoverMember
I found the same thing this year. A lot of people told me ‘I just can’t be bothered- please don’t come.’ But a lot of people did settle with just giving two things- a muffin and grape juice or something like that.March 1, 2010 8:01 pm at 8:01 pm #681248artchillParticipant
It’s the economy.
Many people joined together for Purim at one central location to avoid the bombardment of groups and giving nice economized Mishloach Manos. Where a person lives or what they drive is meaningless, it is all really owned by the bank or payment company. When they can’t pay, it’s literally the banks home.
Stop judging people. Wake up and look around you. The landscape has changed and things aren’t pretty.March 1, 2010 8:29 pm at 8:29 pm #681249bombmaniacParticipant
*hands the CR a raisin and a peanut*March 1, 2010 8:36 pm at 8:36 pm #681251HidingUnderCoverMember
We need a cleanup in aisle seven…. asapMarch 1, 2010 9:23 pm at 9:23 pm #681252
No way did I mean to judge my neighbour. I am sorry if I made that impression. I just wanted to impress that we should feel it a zechus rather than a burden to
1. give mishloach monos
2. pesach cleaningMarch 1, 2010 9:43 pm at 9:43 pm #681253mybatMember
Yes estherh we should feel happy to do all mitzvot, even the ones that aren’t so glamorous like cleaning for pesach.March 2, 2010 2:40 am at 2:40 am #681254happyOOTerParticipant
-How do you know for sure that ‘there’s nothing wrong with her?’ I would think there MUST be something wrong, if after 20 years she ‘can’t be bothered’.
-Maybe she is trying to say something like “we can’t keep up the same standard of previous years, and I am too frustrated to bother trying, and too embarrassed to be honest about it, because I know that you feel it’s a zechus to send nice Mishloach Monos”?
-Has it always been, you send to her, and then she sends back to you? Perhaps, for whatever reason, she just wants to break the cycle?
-Perhaps it would be better to be dan l’kaf zechus and let her try to save face.
Re: Pesach cleaning: honestly, some women really struggle with it.
Personally, I feel like I have enough on my plate trying to live up to HaShem’s expectations without also having to live up to my neighbors’.March 2, 2010 2:51 am at 2:51 am #681255happyOOTerParticipant
Now I see I basically repeated what others said… but you did say, “I do feel it is a zechus to send nice Mishloach Monos” – nothing wrong if that is your choice, but some people really could only swing a raisin and a peanut this year (maybe not a peanut – some people are allergic…)March 2, 2010 5:06 am at 5:06 am #681256JewessMember
While it is a zechut to do many mitzvot, we don’t know what makes one mitzva more difficult for another individual. Maybe she was tired from whatever she was doing, or could not really afford to make her mishloach manot the way she wanted to…Or maybe she had other things going on in her life that would make this mitzva a burdensome one for whatever reason.
Bottom line–the way a person does a mitzva is between him/her and God.March 2, 2010 1:23 pm at 1:23 pm #681258
I sent a packet of crackers and a tin of sardines for my mishloach monos. I decorated it with ribbons and smiley stickers and was told how purimdik it looked. B”H was within our budget!
Pesach cleaning means removing the chometz from our houses and NOT spring cleaning. When we realise our true responsibilities of removing the chometz it is not difficult.
Hatzlocho!March 2, 2010 4:27 pm at 4:27 pm #681259
estherh, I am so happy for you that pesach cleaning is not difficult for you and can even visualize you wearing a lovely dress and pearls and pumps of course while doing this…
its a level…B”H you are there.
While you may not mean to judge your friend of 20 years – you did.
As far as mishloach manos, maybe her feelings didn’t involve $ or amount of items, maybe it was just something within her that maybe even she can’t grasp…
Go easy, and enjoy your cleaning.March 2, 2010 5:21 pm at 5:21 pm #681260SJSinNYCMember
I personally don’t like sending out shalach manos. I find it a ridiculous recycling experiment or a one-up-manship. I am adult and can buy whatever groceries I would like.
We give, but not much more than the minimum.
I did however make an awesome seuda with our entire family (both sides) and we all had a wonderful Purim.March 2, 2010 6:05 pm at 6:05 pm #681261
Just to set the record straight: My neighbour and I are very close. Some years back when she had difficulty with parnosso I knew all about it and helped her through it. This year she just could not be bothered with Purim.
For those of you who think Pesach cleaning is a doddle for me let me tell you that I have been undergoing chemotherapy. I am determined to bring in Pesach happily. I have made up my mind that I will be removing the Chometz. I do count it as a Zechus.March 2, 2010 6:18 pm at 6:18 pm #681262kapustaParticipant
estherh, is it possible for whatever reason she didnt want to mention it? (just an observation)
Hashem should bentch you with a R”S bekarov, and may you be well and healthy and greet Mashiach quickly.March 2, 2010 7:13 pm at 7:13 pm #681263boredjewishguyParticipant
Personally I can understand not wanting to give more than the minimum shalach manos. I think people get a little carried away with it. What I don’t understand is how so few people here, have a problem with her saying “I can’t be bothered” it should not be acceptable to be that rude.March 2, 2010 7:15 pm at 7:15 pm #681264bptParticipant
We have a modest list of about 15 people and it takes about 3-4 hours to cover them all. That works out to about 5 minutes per stop (yes, Mrs. BP had a theme)
Unfortunatly, most Purims are mid-week, so I’m at work till 3:00pm. This year I was home, but I did something totally out in left field. I left the house on foot and went to 3 people;
1) a friend who is a Rebbie, and was tied down to the house for most of the day
2) a friend who is in the year, and would not be getting much traffic
3) a friend who is just not the “party animal” type, and gets little traffic
All 3 stops took about 2 hours, and I got to experience Purim from street level, instead of fighting traffic. And got to spend real time at each stop
So, I don’t think Ester H’s neighbor has anything against Purim or Shalch Monos; its the hysteria she (and probably lots of folks) want to see eradicatedMarch 2, 2010 8:26 pm at 8:26 pm #681265mybatMember
I don’t know about estherhs neighbor. But why should we be complaining about doing mitzvot? Is that what you want your children to hear? Yes cleaning for pesach is not a lot of fun, but how many people were here last pesach and are not here now? Hashem should always send us health and life to be able to do all the mitzvot with simcha.
We shouldn’t judge anyone who is having a difficult time, but we should all thank hashem for the opportunity to do more mitzvot.March 2, 2010 8:33 pm at 8:33 pm #681266
boredjewishguy, when you have relationships for 20 + years there are many many leniencies. I personally don’t have an issue with a long-time friend saying this…
what I would feel badly about would be that she asked me to not have the mitzvah of sending to her.
estherh, may you have true happiness in your cleaning for many many healthy years to come!March 2, 2010 8:43 pm at 8:43 pm #681267HaLeiViParticipant
May the zchus of ridding your house of chametz besimcha, rid you from any and all “chametz”.March 3, 2010 6:29 am at 6:29 am #681268ronrsrMember
a sudden change in personality and a lack of energy to do the things one used to love can indicate depression. It is an illness, and is very treatable these days.March 3, 2010 9:32 pm at 9:32 pm #681269aries2756Participant
Firstly I would like to wish Estherh and all those in need a Refuah Shleimah.
Secondly, it is as important to watch our words when we speak to each other about simple things as it is not to speak loshon horah on others. The simple choice of words can change the entire meaning of a person’s intentions. Saying that she couldn’t “be bothered” makes it sound like Purim and shelach manos is an imposition or inconvenience rather than a mitzva we should look forward to perform.
Perhaps if she chose to say “I can’t deal with shelach manos this year, I feel so overwhelmed or tired…” the intention would be clear and not misunderstood. I know a lot of people who couldn’t be “bothered” and chose to be away from home for the chag. The fact that she was home, reciprocated in the giving and receiving makes me think that she chose the wrong word to describe how she was feeling.March 4, 2010 3:53 pm at 3:53 pm #681270tomim tihyeMember
Knowing your current situation, could she have wanted to spare YOU the “bother” of sending mishloach manot?March 5, 2010 1:32 am at 1:32 am #681271westcoastMember
wow, tomim tihye… I really like your perspective! Thats what you call dan lkaf zchus.March 5, 2010 6:06 pm at 6:06 pm #681272d aMember
How about I Can’t Be Bothered to clean for Pesach! Just kidding!!
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