WIY- I totally agree with the first part of your post.
When the children see their father working 9 hours a day and coming home like a shmate, then they see him go back to bais hamedrash late at night, they get to respect torah. They see what real sacrafice for torah means.
when the father is in kollel all day(and that’s very beautiful IF he’s really learning there), then the kids know their father is learning, but they can’t prove it.
Note that I’m saying many men and not ALL.
The children see no sacrafice for Torah. It’s not so hard to be in kollel all day when the wife brings home a paycheck every week…