Reply To: Bas Mitzvah Ceremonies – Rav Moshe's psak

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Ben Simpleton
Participant

Rabbi Moshe wasn’t a baal machokes. You need to be aware these people asking are asking Rabbi Moshe and not people who do because the neighbors are doing it. This includes people from every neighborhood including, Har Nof, Lakewood, Monsey, etc.

These people have other problems they need to be bothered about to stop. In many such families you have children who think they are honoring their parents but in reality they are honoring them in the same way pork is kosher.

I have seen Charedi families where daughters are yelling at their fathers. Sons are asked by their mothers to take out the rubbish and refuse. Sons are asked to walk their sister somewhere and fight against their mother about it. After loosing the fight they walk their sister but refuse to walk next to their sister rather on the other side of the road! He feared people will see him and think he is dating. He was 17. His sister was 11. Yes many rishonim forbid bother and sisters touching from a very young age (e.g. the rambam, perush hamishnayos, sanhedrin iirc 7th perek). They never forbade calming a mother by making sure no harm comes to his younger sister.

These people have real issues. Celebrations that drag one away from holiness is not a problem for them because they are far from holiness.

My parents wanted to throw a large celebration for my bar mitzvah. I ask them calmly to minimize it to a modest kiddish in the shul on shabbos. They accepted. You know what it did for my yiras shamayim? I had the opportunity to think about not sinning before my bar mitzvah before I turned 13 instead of planning a celebration and getting involved in fighting. I believe had these event been any different I would have been a completely different person. It helped being able to look back at my bar mitzvah days whenever I was experiencing tough times.