philosopher, I didn’t catch that tone, so its fine 🙂
I’m not sure I agree with you. After all, for a bar mitzvah, you get a new pair of tefillin! That’s uber expensive. And a kiddush in shul (at least our shul – there are a lot of people) is not cheap.
My preference is to take the family to Israel and celebrate there. I think there is something truly meaningful about celebrating your acceptance of mitzvos in Israel. That isn’t cheap either.
Also, I don’t think kids have a true concept of money. They have a concept of fancy and flashy vs plain and simple. I think my mother instilled proper values in me from the time I was little and it stuck. (My bat mitzvah was lavish but that’s really for a different reason)
True, if you spend lavishly on everything else and serve 2 crackers and a piece of herring at shul for a bar mitzvah, it sends mixed messages. But if you take family vacations for the purpose of uniting the family and express that to your kids all along and then make them a nice, simple Bar Mitzvah, they will understand.