Josh, the point is not about asking the kids what they want. It’s about SHOWING them what’s really important in life. Granted the bar mitzvah is only one night, while camp is for a few weeks. But still, my opinion is that a special celebration (relatively speaking, to each his own) at a time when a boy starts having a chiuv to perform the mitzvos, really shows the kids where our priorities are.
Again, it’s not how much one spends, but one spends where they feel it’s important.