Max Well,
You are wrong about candlelighting; everyone (male or female) is obligated in candlelighting starting at bar or bat mitzvah. The custon is that for a young man or women, his/her mother fulfils his/her obligation, but if a yeshiva boy does not have someone else to light for him, he has failed to fulfill a positive commandment. Ditto for unmarried women.
And it is no disrespect to Rav Moshe z’tz’l to follow one of the great poskim I mentioned earlier who permitted a bat mitzvah service. My own rav follows Rav Soloveitchik z’tz’l on all issues on which he has a mesorah from The Rav.