Regarding the lack of derech eretz at the wedding. I want to mention something else that I was appalled at. A very chashuv (and elderly) rebbetzin came to the Chassanah after dinner was served as she was a great aunt of the Chasson. Now remember it was extremely hot in E”Y at the time. She was practically pounced on the minute she entered through the doors. The girls barely allowed her to get past the doors. It took her at least half an hour to just get in and sit down, and then they were literally on top of her, seriously maybe three inches from her nose. Can you imagine being surrounded into a huddle with barely room to breathe when you are in your 80’s? All they were interested in was getting a brocha for themselves and not one was concerned about the Rebbetzin’s own comfort, health and safety. I barely managed to get a cup of cold water in to her.
I was just a guest at the wedding and couldn’t say anything, but I was ready to explode and say “Derech Eretz, move back, give her some room to breathe, make a line you will each have your turn.” In my mind I was imagining what my own mother would feel like if she was surrounded in this way. It was terrifying.