So much pain. Ouch.
The road of divorce is terrible. But yes, death by marriage is worse. I have met men who have had their entire souls destroy piece by piece by an evil wife. And alas, have seen destructive husbands tear a good bas yisrael apart.
Beards, Payos, Hats, Jackets…
From my little experience – we need to get our heads screwed on straight before marriage. If that means therapy, so be it. Problem is, is that at shidduch age we are all so sensitive about what gets out – and being in therapy would be a certain deal breaker. But often that’s when it’s most necessary.
Healthy people don’t abuse. Healthy people don’t marry abusers. Yes, there are acception. But that’s the rule. As was said – the red flags are there.
And it’s on both sides. Broken people abuse. And broken people are charmed by abusers. Heck, abused children will seek out abusers.
Treat your spouse like a king/queen and your kids will know what to look for – and what to run away from.
And let us never take our spouses for granted and realize that shalom bayis is not a given, but an avodah. I once was by a wedding of a dear friend. As his Rosh Yeshivah left he leaned over to him and I listened in. “Chaim, Chazal teach us a wife is a ‘grindstone on his neck’ – know two things. One must work! What you feel now will only continue if you work! And secondly – though it is a grindstone – it is made of gold,silver, and the most precious of jewels. Remember that, when it feels like a grindstone”
He kissed him, and left.