It sounds like this couple has not planted any roots in this marriage. The story was prefaced with “this is a column catering to a chareidi olam”. From this we can surmise that the couple did not have much contact other than the initial beshow and therefore did not really discuss much of anything with each other. So everything was discussed and arranged between the two parents. The girl’s wishes and dreams were either never voiced or voiced only to her own parents and not to the boy or his parents. So the husband can not be faulted from the start, only for not being understanding at this point as a husband.
The wife on the other hand, knew what she was getting in to, and basically wanted to derail a young man whose wish was to be a long term learner. So how did she set up her marriage? What kind of wife was she to her husband? Did she see to his every need? Did she make this the best marriage he could have ever hope for so when the time came that she would make this request it would be something he might consider? Did she see the joy he had in his learning? Where are they holding in their marriage at this point when she is bringing up this issue? And where is her love for her child as she makes her selfish demand on her husband who most likely did not have a clue that it was coming?
Is there any love and foundation in this marriage that a compromise can be worked out? Is the wife herself working and does not want to leave the child with a babysitter? Does she not value his learning? What are the issues at this particular point? Or are there no issues just the original concept that she and her father agreed on? All this needs to be looked at and taken into consideration. There are many pieces to the puzzle and most of the achreius obviously falls on the girl’s father who orchestrated the ruse. He should do whatever is necessary to save the marriage even if HE himself has to support the family.