right! we need a kol koreh for boys to be attracted to average girls!
That would work!
Come on, these boys didn’t make this up; society conditioned them this way. If we wouldn’t be exposed to 24/7 to these standards – both in our community and from the secular world,we would have lower standards. But until we fix our tzinius problem and stop exposing ourselves to the entire secular world – well, this is the standard our girls will be held at. And then,
But after twenty years of conditioning about what acceptable beauty is, what on earth do you want from the guy? Indeed, attraction is not a choice. It either is or isn’t. Granted, if a date is not replusive, sometimes, over a few dates they can seem more attractive if there is real chemistry elsewhere. And sometimes not.
Yes, the current standards are silly, and are a direct influence from the secular world (and the wonderful frum world of fashion) – but by the time a boy gets to shidduchim, they are real.
And yes, it gives a stunning girl a tremendous advantage in shidduchim that can cover up almost any chesaron – until after the chuppah, of course.
R’ Eliyahu Goldschmidt (Dear Son/Daugther) opens up his shidduchim tape with admonishing boys to be honest with themselves about looks ‘one may not marry a woman without seeing her – perhaps he will find something ugly about her and come to despise her’.
But look to the causes, not the boys.
Looks – for both men & women, are important and real. Build a relationship on it? heck no. But when there is a real relationship, they are certainly important. It’d be wonderful to pretend that it’s shallow. Let us not get into a quote battle.
Girls have standards too; true, they aren’t as visual as boys, but many ask how tall a boy is – gee, isn’t that shallow.
I suppose they need a kol korey, too.
And if a boy sees that a girl – wonderful as she may be – doesn’t cut it in the looks department , no matter what – should he torment her for a second date? And if he says no, should he say ‘she looks at a dying rat’ or should he say ‘what a fine girl; I’m sure she’s a wonderful match for my Chavrusa – for me, we pashut didn’t click’
Shadchan, by the way, have always lied. It is traditional – in a sad way. The Rashbah permits Shadchanim to take money on this basis – after all, shidduchim are a mitzvah, and hence should be forbidden to charge for – ‘but they lie, and that is not a mitzvah, and for that they take money’. So this problem goes way back.