Charlie-
Right. Our kids sleep with an average of 12 people before they settle down. Wait, no, that’s the secular world. Charlie, we’re talking about two different ballgames. I don’t think this is even worth arguing about.
And of course non-jews don’t care about money when they are dating. They intend on having fun and moving on, not marrying her. Does money make in a difference in the secular world – when they marry? Sure. Never heard of a gold digger?
But most of their dating has nothing to do with marrying. So you hear about it a lot less. Guys ideal of a girl is equivalent to kleenex – use once & throw away. Sorry charlie. We must be better then the secular world. Faaaar better. And we indeed need to raise our – as a society, as I pointed out before, not just jump on the unsuspecting male after twenty years of exposure. Change society, change the boys. But once shidduchim role around, it’s too late. Time for him to honest – because if you pressure him into being dishonest, it will be hell for him and his wife.
But please don’t say we’ve come to the level of the cesspool. Remember – we actually MARRY! All this is about choosing a single partner for life. Yes, a guy gets one chance. Not seventy five.
Yisrael Kedoshim Hem – that doesn’t mean ignoring attraction. It means right place & the right time Al yedey chuppah v’kiddushin. An attitude that attraction is evil mess up marriage royally, and is the opposite of Torah haskafah. It’s a maaleh. It’s not the whole deal, but it’s real.
Sacri –
right. You need a certain image (aka, taller then you) to be able to look at them as marriage material. Same for a guy. ‘Totally different’ just means that you feel that way and understand it. Well, that way – well, that’s how a guy feels. And please realize that this is not something that someone in shidduchim can change and feels ‘extremely uncomfortable’ about. Still real though. Would you feel comfortable saying ‘I dumped him ’cause he’s short’ or would you say ‘what a Ben Torah! I’m sure he’s destined for gadlus. I think Rivky my roommate from sem would be great for him – for me, we just didn’t click’.
And would you prefer people be honest with you beforehand?
And would you prefer that people didn’t lie to you and say ‘well, go out on seventy dates and then see how you feel’?
The male brain is as much of a mystery to women as the female brain is to men. We need to respect them, and not criticize the other for being male/female, and just accept the mysteries of the universe. Alas, in todays day and age, it’s the reality. But Charedi in Israel – it’s not; boys aren’t as obsessed with look. Because they don’t have the society we have.
There is actually a concept of a female dressing casually in Israel! And they keep the secular out of their societies and homes.
So their boys are exposed to females who willing to look like mere mortals in public. Hence, they can actually marry a girl – who , well, looks like a regular girl.
Yes mods, I know we’re treading on dangerous ground. Let us know where the line is – or was.