While APY may have been a bit over the top, there is a great deal of truth to what is stated. By the time the 2 sit face to face, there is little that is not known. So what is left to discuss? Truth is, prior to sheva brachos, NOTHING. Beacuse by the time you get to the beshow point, the shidduch is basicaly aggreed upon by the parents, and to the best of my knowledge, there is no such thing as a 3rd beshow. You either decide, or move on. And don’t try to be too choosy, as that may land you in serious hot water. Once the beshow is agreed to, its really a done deal, so in a way, what APY wrote is quite true; if you’re not repulsed, its a go.
As far as Philosopher’s points, the only thing the bochur can possibly do is say something foolish, so its best if he keeps quiet. He can speak his mind during sheva brachos, when short of being a serial killer, the kallah will be told, don’t worry; with time, you’ll grow to like him (udder yoh, udder nisht..translation, if it works fine, if not, that fine too. Mom / Dad don’t share many laughs either.. that’s the way it is in our cirlce)
As far as “vus failt eim” (translation: what’s he lacking),true, HE lacks nothing. After all, he’s getting a new apt, new furnature, a new friend, one that is more than likley quite a pleasant person. SHE on the other hand, may have gotten a real dud, who has never been given a chance to explore the world beyond the shul / yeshiva.. one that she is now saddled with for life. Still, I can’t be too critical of our chosson. After all, he’s been trained to avoid the opposite gender at all costs, and here you want him to make eye contact? Talk?
This system only works if the social system you’re in frowns on husband /wife interaction beyond the household essentials. Should Mrs. New Kallah want more than just a a domestic partnership, chances are she’s going to be flying solo.
IMHO, there is no substitute for going out on a real date. That way, you get to see how each party behaves over the course of an afternoon (dealing with traffic, driving manners, table manners, ect)