It is hard for me to write this. But I want to share with you all the pain of my beautiful daughter since it is relevant to all of the above discussion. I happen to have been born friar but used my free will to turn around to serve Hashem by dedicating our lives to him, willingly. We are a BT family, and my daughter is in the parsha but when she comes to me with tears in her eyes and asks “who is going to settle for me?” it mamish breaks my heart. Not that I don’t believe she will get the best heart.
However, although we have been frum and totally integrated into our culture around us she has nightmares of marrying some decrepit, handicapped, or worse some “bum” – because of her background. SHe cries when she thinks how all her friends are naturally going to get “the best shidduchim” and she fears life and the future. And bemoans her fate that she will have to take someone with “a problem”. I have explained to her that there is someone perfect for her, because she is a good girl, so naturally the boy will be her perfect match. I paint a picture that due to the class system circumstances, even her friends can’t have the good catch from the “pool of bochurim” she must shop from and I say jokingly that is ‘their loss’…but at the end of the day none of this can take her fears away. I try telling her that being the son of a rosh yeshiva or coming from a rebbish heime doesn’t mean the boy has a good heart or middos.
I believe at the end of the day the only thing left we have is bitachon. Look/ think of how many families who had yichus, money, etc are suffering from their spouses today. Some of the “best” families I have unfortunately had the acquaintence of, have had the worst middos, and led me to question if they even have a basic belief in G-d. MeanWhile others have left me wondering how it can be they were brought up and educated in supposedly the best schools, since they seemed to have absorbed very little in hilchos bein adom l’chavero. I must say that I would not necessarily want any of these ‘best families’ for my kids. We know it is written everything in this world is upside down. And those who look honorable from the outside is not always necessarily so. THose with big names, titles, or recognition does not mean yiras shomayim.
But yeah, I am a little annoyed at the class system at the end of the day as well.