As far as romance within marriage is concerned, it is tolerated when absolutely necessary, but it is not a virtuous practice and should be discoraged.
If that’s the official “yeshivishe hashkafah” then I proudly proclaim myself non-yeshivish.
You see, I *do* romantic things. B’Mayzid, if you will. I buy flowers for Eeees — and not just any flowers — but I always try to find something new and distinct for her. I leave her love notes around the house. I try and surprise her with things whenever possible. I do spontaneous things like cook her breakfast when she least expects it. I send her cards in the mail. I try to arrange “alone time” when we can spend time together talking, walking, laughing and sharing with each other. We *still*, after all these years, go out on dates. I put a lot of thought into birthday and anniversary gifts and try to do things that show her that I think of her often and truly care enough to put an effort into pleasing her (example: one anniversary I had her wedding bouquet replicated in silk flowers). We play board games together, do silly things together, even have our own “code-words” for silly concepts and ideas that have come up over the years we spent together. We smile, we flirt with each other and we try to do whatever we can to make the other happy. We share in each other’s successes and we comfort each other when something bad happens to one of us.
To me, that’s romance — and if you tell me that that’s to be discouraged, then you might as well tell me to get divorced — because I don’t want to be married without all that. For me, it’s not a b’dieved — it’s an essential part of marriage. Granted, others may not want that in their marriage — and if it works for them, then all the more power to them — but for me, asking me not to be romantic would be like asking me not to breathe.
The Wolf