my parsha teacher taught us something that relates to this topic regarding yaakov and eisav. theres a mashal to parents who have 2 perfect babies who eat everything parents give them and dont have any allergies- real angels. their third child however is not so perfect, he is a picky eater, spits out all his food and has a lot of allergies. The parents arent going to say to their baby,”this is how we eat in our family!”, they are going to try their best to get their child to eat properly, whether it be going to an alergist, or doing airplane to get the child to eat.
The time comes for the first 2 children to go to school and they are doing great, they play nicely, they behave and the teacher tells the parents how good they are. when the 3rd child goes to the same school he has a very hard time, he is misbehaving, it takes longer for him to learn the aleph bais etc. Just like the parents didnt tell their baby, “this is how we eat in our family!” they shouldnt say to their child, “In our family everyone does well in this school!” They have to realize that all their children are different and have different needs. Just b/c something worked for child 1 and 2 that doesnt mean it will work for child 3.
This relates to yaakov and eisav who were both brought up in the same home by the same parents, yet turned out so different. How is this possible? Rav Hirsch explains that yitzchak and rivka treated yaakov and eisav the same until they were 13 and failed to realize eisav unique talents that needed to be developed in the proper way. Had they realized eisav’s talents and treated him differently b/c of them he probably would not have become a rasha.
So for those of you who say, “How many kids with issues come from the finest of homes and backgrounds?” you have to consider that maybe the parents didnt recognize their child’s individual means and assumed that the school (or whatver it is) that worked for their other children will work for this one. parents have to realize that their children are not clones and have different needs.