popa:
I’m going to return to serious mode for a moment to answer you properly.
Shmelf is always ultimately responsible (whether we’re talking about OTD or lifestyle choices in shidduchim). But that doesn’t mean that the shmelfs aren’t being manipulated (as in the case of shidduchim, certainly) or influenced in some way (as in most OTD cases). Some people are more susceptible to manipulation and outside influence, others less so. To the degree that you are conscious of it, you are making a decision to go along with it or not.
I suppose a complete imbecile would be a completely blameless shmelf.
</seriousness>