“Easy way out is to say, “right now, I’ve got something else pending and is very imminent, and don’t tie myself up. And thanks for keeping me in mind! Should this not pan out, I’ll be back in touch.”
BP Totty, that is precisely how we handed sucjh a situation recently, almost verbatim. A friend wanted to set my son up with a daughter of a close friend of hers. She thinks the girl is “gorgeous, brilliant, charming” etc, etc. She is a nice girl, but as it happens, my son knows her through various organizations at which he volunteers, so he has gotten to see her under more socially casual circumstances. Certainly enough to know that after several meetings, he is not interested in going out, though he says she is a very nice person.
The friend was pressing me, and it turns out that it is because the girl already likes my son. Both my son and we, did not want to unnecessarily hurt her feelings, so we told the “redter” that he is currently in the middle of something that is pending, and we are not sure where it is going yet, but we are so flattered that they thought enough of him to suggest the shidduch. I also added that I would not want to hold the girl back from her other suggested shidduchim, as I do not know if and when my son will be available in the near future, but should it become shayach at any time, I will check back with them, if she is still available herself.
Also, regarding your statement BPT about “If a date between two people that know each other does not work out, both sides should be adult enough to face each other the day after” – that is a problem that has been created by the process of a SHADCHAN doing all the date arranging.
If the kids were to be responsible for setting up the dates between themselves (as we used to), by the guy getting the girl’s number and actually (horrors!) calling her himself, and then if the decision is made not to go out again after the first few dates, and the shadchan would not be the one to handle it, MAYBE the kids would learn how to be real adults handling real, adult problems in a real, adult manner by talking toe ach other about it.
We are infantilizing our kids.