What are you trying to say, that there are people in yeshiva who are imperfect, and some who even don’t belong there. Is that something you just figured out? Mazel tov.
I wonder why you think it is appropriate to make fun of them like this. Is that how you deal with all issues, by making fun of them? Why don’t you write a song mocking people who have emotional issues? Or maybe a song mocking people who are OTD.
I know; a song about divorcees. After all, in most divorces, you could probably identify at least a few things each person did wrong, or bad choices made.
Notice how the villain in your song only comes ten minutes late to seder. He pretends to understand his chavrusa, which means he cares to be thought of as understanding, yet despite sitting with the chavrusa all morning, he does not understand. You have only mockery.
For you, I have only pity.