Sorry, no can do.
As a Ba’al Kriah, I am going to read Beraishis I am going to read the pasuk where Ya’akov Avinu says that the days of his life are “m’at v’raim…” an act for which he was later punished.
So, I plan on saying Loshon Harah this shabbos — publicly. I guess that’s another reason that I’m doomed in the afterlife — every year I say LH about people in the Chumash.
The Wolf