WolfishMusings
With that mindset you will never improve and never even try to do Teshuvah because you think you are a lost case.
Rabbi Nachman M’Breslav says, “Im ata ma’amin sh’ykholim lekalkel, ta’amin sh’yecholim letaken”
The worst thing in the world is Yiush. You sound like you have given up. This is the most powerful tool of the Yetzer Hara. Anyone can change and its never too late. Until you are dead. (Even after death actually, a son can be Mezakeh the father.)
The point is no matter what you did, Hashem still accepts Teshuvah if its sincere. Learn the sefer Shaarei Teshuvah of the Rabbeinu Yonah (with the English translation)