Yeshivish may be defined by five criteria:
1-Poor English
2-Poor Yiddish
3-Skill at thumb-dreying
4-Ignorance of tanach
5-State of hats (the worse the better)
Thus, instead of having the top 5 yeshivos, we can have a first place in each category:
Poor English: Yeshiva Torah V’yireh d’Satmar, for not speaking English in Yeshiva b’shita.
Poor Yiddish: Yeshiva University, for having students who can speak for an hour or more on one R’ Chaim without using the word “tzushtell” once.
Skill at thumb-dreying: This one doesn’t go to any yeshiva in particular, but to every mesivta bochur who was ever asked a good kasha and tried to dig himself out of a “bor yud tfachim” using only his right thumb.
Ignorance of tanach: Lakewood, for being the alma mater of the one man I ever heard say a “the passuk is in Bava Metzia” and mean it.
Sate of hats: Yeshiva Tomchei Temimim d’Lubavitch, for having a twice-run-over hat as part of their levush.
LET THE BASHING OF WHAT WAS CLEARLY A JOKE … BEGIN!!