Reply To: Dating without a Long Term plan

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#722838
aries2756
Participant

It seems that you have a bit of confusion about a couple of things and it might be helpful if you found someone to help sort things out. A Life Coach would be someone who could help you define your short term or long term goals or both and get you on a path to realizing them.

Obviously you are an intelligent and capable young man or you would not have done well on the Lstats. So the question that presents itself is what light bulb went off that made you realize that you did not wish to pursue law as a career? Or what happened while you had your break that made you change your mind? Is it the work involved, is it the long term commitment or was it something else that happened on the break that changed your mind?

Those are important questions. Because if practicing Law is not the issue, rather the commitment to the work involved and the years in Law school, then that is something that you need to figure out and understand before you misrepresent yourself to possible shiduch prospects. When a girl is looking for a “professional” someone who will have a degree and a basic foot forward in making a parnasah they have a reason for that choice. It is not frivolous but well thought out. These are girls who understand how difficult it is to run a household and they are not planning to either support their husbands or expect support from their parents. These are usually well educated girls themselves and would like to have husbands that are equal to them on an intellectual and educational level.

So if that is one of your issues, that is something you would need to come to terms with and be open about. However, you should be aware that at 25 years of age, most girls would expect you to have a “plan”. Flying by the seat of your pants at an age where others are already married with kids, or have finished college and are in the workforce, or have been learning seriously for a number of years does not emote a sense of confidence in a possible mate.

The other question is the “break” itself. What was that about? Were you learning during that time? Were you working? Are you working now? What exactly are you offering a potential mate? When you yourself are checking out a shidduch you will ask what the girl is doing? Is she in school? Is she working? What does she do? Would it be ok if she were on a break and not doing anything? Would you feel comfortable going out with a young lady who seemed like she was floundering?

The issue at hand is not really putting off dating, but figuring out what is going on with you and where you are heading. It is best to have a plan and not just wait for things to fall into place.