Reply To: Cutoff Point When Dating

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MG613; Thanks, that explains it. If you can, try to help those

friends see the light. The root cause for this rationalization

stems from a fear of commitment, or an unrealistic fairytale view

of what it would take to make them go “the whole nine yards”.

To confirm this, you should be seeing a repeated pattern of this

similar excuse frequently being used to end it, after a nice few

times. To help this person see this clearly, simply point out

that every potential shidduch that seems to be going well,

usually gets the same label, where they feel like really good

friends, but nothing beyond that. Even from the words “nothing

beyond that” although I doubt it’s an exact quote, seems to hint

fear of the future, or fear of opening up, using the

word “friends” as a limit and nothing beyond as a barrier or cut

off point. Hatzlacha! Helping a person with a problem in

dating, is as if you helped them find their Basherte,

for you are giving them a chance to allow the partner that’s

right for them, into their lives.