Reply To: Bringing "Kiruv" home

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This “job” is not for everyone and it is not fair for anyone to impose on you. This is a voluntary situation for those who CAN do it. My husband and I have had 11 kids at some point or other stay at our home for various amounts of time in the 15 years that we live in our current home. Some we really parented and some were just part timers that just basically were drifters or just needed a place to be for a short period of time. You have to be at the right place in your life and your children’s lives to be able to do this. You can’t just “want” to do this, your family and home setup has to be right.

Like you can’t take in a girl if you have a bunch of boys and vice a versa. You can’t take in a kid if you barely have enough time to devote to your own kids. And you can’t take in a kid if you are not a full time mom and homemaker because you just can’t be there for that kid the way they need you to be. These kids need a Co-parent. They are in need of something their own parents can’t provide for them. And if your home is not set up to do that then you are not in a place in your life where you are ready to take on this challenge. It is not a matter of room and board, it is a matter of bringing a child into your heart and soul. It means you are going get hurt at times and you are going to have tremendous nachas. There will be ups and downs and you will worry, laugh and cry just like with your own kids. They need love and attention and it is not fair to take that away from your own kids when they are little because this young person is so needy even if they claim they aren’t and they appear to be so tough and untouchable.

So you need to know what your family dynamic is. You need to know if your spouse is on the same page as you. You need to know if your family is willing to do this along side of you and put in the effort to give this child the time, attention, love and support that this child needs and understand that you are doing this as a family and that means mommy and tatty will have to pay attention to that child even if it means it will take some of their time and attention away from them. If you are all in agreement and they understand that this child is coming in for help to be a better person and that no matter what they do and say they are doing so because they are hurting inside and that WE are here to teach and not learn bad habits from them, then it might be something to consider.

If you do get involved, you are going to have to take baby steps to get to know her and not smother her. She won’t trust you at first and it will take time to build a relationship and some time before she opens up and starts talking to you. I hope this helped in some way. Hatzlocha.