dunno, in essence, yes, that is what i am saying. maybe you look like a movie star, i dont know, but when i think of what so so many girls put themselves through to look a certain way just because our frum, middos-dik, learning, boys demand drop dead gorgeous barbies, i am sickened at what our society has come to and our standards have become.
i am not saying they should look for less. i am saying they need to look for different. i think a person has every right to demand for themselves sensitive, caring and compassionate, giving, friendly, warm, intelligent, responsible, capable spouses. they can even demand a spouse they will find attractive. BUT. when i see a system that is so off, a reality that is completely unnatural, then yes, i take issue with that. i see no reason why girls need to strive to meet impossible standards. and i am not one to say that men dont need to be attracted to their wives (as per the argument in another thread); i think that men absolutely MUST find the women they date attractive. but the emphasis that is placed on physicality, the demand that comes with it, the expectation, is totally out of sync with the rest of kind of person a ben Torah is! it doesnt make sense.
girls must strive to always look put together, pretty, feminine, and of course, to be healthy. i dont know if anyone will argue with that. but i cannot agree with you that just because the guys want it, that girls need to starve themselves, get plastic surgery, wear inches of makeup, buy multiple wardrobes, etc. if thats the case, then all girls should be allowed to demand tall, built, strong, good looking football players. which means that all those yeshiva guys need to get off the bench fast and start pumping iron big time. and grow several inches. ok? thats what our value system has come to. physical, physical, physical.
i want it. i will demand it. i will get it.
to me, this “hashkafa” sounds strangely familiar to the culture we try to differentiate from. to be better than. to have deeper values than.
this is the issue people complain about when they blame the boys. its a big issue, not just “unfair” to the girls, as you wrote. its way, way, more than that. if you want to reduce relationships to the physical elements, that would be your choice, but it is wrong to create a system where everyone else is dragged through the dirt with you.