Dor Yeshorim’s own literature is very clear that they and the gedolim who support them want to be called BEFORE even one date. It is a simple phone call — the same way people research anything else in a shidduch, and make phone calls to references, teachers, neighbors, etc., they can make one more phone call to Dor Yeshorim — what’s the big deal? aries2756 — What is foolish about a 3 minute phone call? What do you loose? new2thescene — Same question — how is one simple phone call considered “making yourself nuts” or “going crazy”? Do those individuals who view it as overbearing to request Dor Yeshorim numbers also view it as overbearing to do other research about a shidduch?
I have heard people say that it is a waste of resources for Dor Yeshorim to have to answer so many potentially not tachlisdik questions. I have heard from Dor Yeshorim that this is not the case. They would rather be called numerous extra times rather than any one calling once there is already an emotional attachment. The main cost for Dor Yeshorim is the initial blood work — keeping up with phone calls is negligible.
As far as the stigma, this has already been mentioned by an earlier post, but the only people who know the results are the parties involved (Dor Yeshorim requests that the individuals or their parents call — do not give the numbers to a shadchan, etc. — make the call yourself). Since a “non-compatible” response means both parties are carriers for the same genetic disease, it is highly unlikely that either side would betray the confidentiality of the other, so what is the stigma? A shadchan can just be told “no thank you, this doesn’t seem to be for us” — a lot easier than explaining after date #2 or #3 when things were doing fine why you suddenly want to break up.
Reasons to test before beginning include avoiding the difficult situation of finding out that one is not compatible after being emotionally involved, even slightly, and the awkwardness/ nervousness of having to request numbers once you are in the dating process (“is this a hint?” “maybe he/ she feels more ‘serious’ than me?” “what does that mean?”)