in all honesty everything happens for a reason and no matter what we have all gone through, had we not gone through it, we wouldn’t have the children we have, nor the grandchildren we have. We wouldn’t have the nieces and nephews we have and love and the other family members etc. Some of us live with the ups and downs no matter what, and some of us got out B”H with at least some of our sanity and dignity in tact. Some of us B”H have many more ups than downs, but no matter what, who, how and where Hashem has a plan for all of us and no one knows before hand what that plan will be. We don’t believe in crystal balls and even if we did we don’t have a way to look into the future to know if we are making the right choice or if we have the right information or even if people are telling us the truth. It is truly in Hashem’s hands. We can only do the best we can and when we are at the point of choosing we all feel we have done our best.
The next step is to not take your marriage for granted and not think it will take care of itself. Marriage is a job onto itself and it needs to be worked on every single day by both partners. Even if both of you are the best people in the world, if you don’t nurture and care for your marriage it can falter and fail. And on the flip side, even if your marriage was doomed from the start you can work on it and nurture it to be the best and most loving and warm marriage in the world. It takes love, care and attention.
My husband asked my nephew the chosson a few weeks ago what was the most important thing he learned from his Chosson Rebbe. His reply was the three “A’s” Attention, Appreciation and Affection. No one is a “Navi” and no one can predict whether or not a marriage will work or whether or not you have all the information or the whole truth about your future spouse. On the other hand, you and your future spouse can choose to make your marriage work no matter who you were in the past. It all depends on what you choose to be in the future.