Bochur, I don’t think we substantially disagree. I don’t believe I sounded vehement, but I do feel strongly about it, because my children were rbought up the way I was brought up, and that is to be considerate and well-mannered. So was my husband brought up like that, and despite what you would like to think, if you knew who he was, you would realize that he really IS one of a kind in the thoughtfulness department. It was recently our 34th anniversary of the night we became engaged. He went out and bought a card and a miniature cake, expressing his love and saying he would marry me all over again. I guarantee you most women would love that. Sorry to say, I did not think to do anything special to mark the occasion, other than to mention to our children that that day was THE day. But as I said, I need to work on myself. The people in my shul think he is a tzaddik, and one man told his wife (who told my daughter the other day) that my husband is the finest and msot thoughtful man he has ever met. I am not just saying empty words here. As I said, I am not nearly as good as he is. And he is exactly like his father, O”H, who took care of my invalid mother-in-law BY HIMSELF, for the last thirty years of her life, because he said it was his privilege.
I would not tell my kids to dump anyone, unless they themselves felt the person was not right for them. But I am fairly certain that they themselves would feel that a person who did not show eidelkeit and thoughtfulness, would not be the right person for them. I guess we must agree to disagree. Someday you will have your own Bochur24 B”EH, and maybe you will see a different perspective then.