If I may take the opportunity to shed some light on some points that are being brought up here. I personally know some ehrliche male therapists that have told me that they do not lechatchila take on a woman client. So I ask, you do see the husband, correct? And that man has a wife. In therapy you are working on issues, I am sure. However his responses to life’s challanges also impact his wife, and vica versa. Which he goes on to tell me that sometimes he will bring in the wife…? ? Having said that, the
bottom line is that every care provider within the rules that must be followed under certain codes that bind, needs to do what works for him or her. Everyone needs to establish and create very clear parameters within him/herself as a clinician or coach, and know what will work for them – there are no generalities. What is uncomfortable for one may be totally acceptable to another.
I will neither judge nor evaluate a therapist for those decisions.
I have formed my own opinions in regard to such issues. We can never know what is in the mind of a woman or man coming in to see us. Sometimes the best healing work for a woman who has been through specific traumas can come from a male therapist who is honest, trustworthy, decent and kind There has never been healing without vulnerability. What is CRUCIAL though is that this therapist or coach needs to be firm about his boundaries, which will create for this client a very clear cut and predictable space for some good work to be done. Thus boundaries do not get fuzzy. It is the clinicians responsibility to set the pace and flavor of this meticulous working relationship, but at the same time offer a warm understanding environment. When I go into a room I leave my life outside of that door. The thing I take inside is my heart. I am not afraid to feel my feelings because I trust them as very good indicators for what my gut is telling me in regard to a person. Anyone read Irwin Yalom’s books, as he gives us personal glimpses into his patients dilema’s, desires, and motivations while at the same time struggles to reconcile his human responses
with what goes on in his brain as he treats his patients. If a therapist is afraid of looking into someones eyes to see what it is that he really wants, then perhaps he needs to consider why he is having an issue with this, and deal with it. Maybe he/she needs to clarify his transference,or countertransference issues.
Gosh, things that people have shared with me during my work with them, nothing shocks me anymore today. The issue is not about if I am comfortable or uncomfortable. It can not be about me, that is why they felt they could share it with me in the first place.
If a client wants a therapist that is only frum or of the same gender, by all means go for it.