February 7, 2011 6:07 pm at 6:07 pm #594837
I hear so much abnout lifecoaching and was wondering if any one can give me some information. It is costly yet it sounds effective. I have a family member that i feel can benefit from it yet it is big money that i dont have and will only spend if it is worth while. Please respond only if you have direct experience or know of someone who did. IF you can reccoemend any one and thier numberFebruary 8, 2011 2:49 am at 2:49 am #738878
I am not sure what you are asking. Are you looking for a Life Coach or are you looking for someone who gives the course?February 8, 2011 5:20 pm at 5:20 pm #738879AZParticipant
R’ Avi Shulman 845 352 1175February 8, 2011 6:23 pm at 6:23 pm #738880OfcourseMember
AZ, can you tell us what you like about the person you recommended?
What age/sex/problem areas is he good with?
If you’re familiar enough, can you tell us some interesting before and after situations that R’ Shulman has been involved with?February 8, 2011 7:18 pm at 7:18 pm #738881
The difference between Life Coaching and other therapies is that we (coach)have a different approach and do not believe that a person is broken and needs to be fixed. We believe that a person may be stuck and needs guidance to get from point A to point B.
How does a coach get a person to do so? A coach will require that a client choose up to 3 short term goals for the duration of the term of the treatment. In coaching it is not an open-ended relationship as in other therapies. A client will sign up for a 3 – 6 month cycle with a coach depending on how the coach works. A coach will work towards reaching the goals set forth for that term. We believe that a client is resourceful, creative and whole and has it within to find their own answers. We expect responsibility and accountability and there is no ifs, ands or buts about it. If the client is not committed to the program, does not do their individual home work and work on reaching their goals, the coach will evaluate at the end of the cycle if they wish to continue with the client or not. If the client proves their commitment, then at the end of the cycle depending on whether they feel accomplished and reached their goals, they will choose whether or not to sign up for another cycle of therapy with a new set of short term goals to move forward.
The purpose of choosing short term goals and more so, measurable and attainable goals is that a client can look back and evaluate what they have accomplished in a scheduled time frame. Each small accomplishment encourages them to keep going and move forward. When a client looks back after a few weeks and sees what s/he has accomplished in a a few weeks it empowers them and encourages them to keep going. It is also a huge realization that they did it on their own and neither the coach nor anyone else did it for them. A coach will never “TELL” a client what to do, they will however help the client explore the paths of available options and their conclusions. In other words let’s see if you make this choice and go down that path, what will be the end result….what other options do you have? What will be the end result if you go down the other path? Which works better for you, which one better fits your concept of attaining your goals.
WE also don’t believe in delving into the past. By doing so you just keep repeating the pain of the past and that is not beneficial to anyone. The past is in the past, where do you want to go from here? WE might need to touch on the past to understand what is standing in the way of a client from reaching their goals but then again the onus is on them. OK that was then, what can you do differently to bring about a different outcome and that is what you learn from and use for the future.
OK, that’s a glimpse, I hope it was helpful.February 8, 2011 11:15 pm at 11:15 pm #738882i am hereMember
EFT is a great thing found to be very successful does not delve in to the past it works with you and its not an on going “therapy” it works. If your interested i can give you number of a frum lady who does it. she is really great. and it really worksFebruary 9, 2011 12:51 am at 12:51 am #738883
Aries2756 , you sound like a lifecoach. Are you one? also is it appropriate for a married woman to use a man as a life coach? can any one recommend a woman. thank you to allFebruary 9, 2011 1:19 am at 1:19 am #738884
Yes I am a Life Coach. Whether you choose a male or female is a matter of hashkafah or preference. If you would go to a male psychologist or social worker rather than a female or vice a versa depending on who you are then you do the same. There is no physical contact, as a matter of fact it can be done by phone and email. In addition because it is goal oriented within a time frame, you can see within a short amount of time if you are comfortable with either. When the cycle is up and you wish to continue if you prefer male or female you can ask for a recommendation according to your needs.February 9, 2011 3:14 am at 3:14 am #738885TBL ROXMember
how abt something called Pirkei Avos. its a book with tonz of life lessons and it teaches u how to have healthy realtionships with people…February 9, 2011 3:34 am at 3:34 am #738886whocaresMember
U don’t have to put down other approaches to make yours valid. There are many good approaches that work with many people and not with others. And I have no doubt that your approach does not work with every single person.
And btw, the approach of “never tell a person what to do” is identical to the social work approach and to many others.
Moreover, not going into the clients past sounds radical when you are dealing with a person’s emotional dilemasFebruary 9, 2011 3:43 am at 3:43 am #738887
TBL, you are right, the problem is although people have it within them to know the answers sometimes they need guidance to find them. So for you learning Pirkei Avos with a chavrusa will be a guide for you for the present and future. To someone who is “stuck” they need a professional to help them understand the mishnas of life and follow through to either the rewards of the accomplishments or the consequences of their poor choices.February 9, 2011 3:53 am at 3:53 am #738888
whocares, please point out where I put others down. I specifically said that we help people who are “stuck” in a situation. I didn’t say that it is better than other therapies or that it is right for everyone. I never made a comparison about that. I was just giving information on Life Coaching period.
I don’t know why you feel the need to be so quick to judge. If a person needs a different type of therapy a coach will recommend that they work with another type of therapist. A client might start with a coach and the coach might recommend he seek psychotherapies. A client may work with a social worker and a coach at the same time because WE do have different approaches and might be able to help the client with different issues.February 9, 2011 4:49 am at 4:49 am #738889Ctrl Alt DelParticipant
Having had some really bad experiences with “life coaches” that have “coached” some of my family members, I would always advise that people looking for that kind of help go to a LICENSED healthcare practitioner. Licensing offers oversight, regulation, and recourse for the client. No offense aries, but licensed mental health professionals should be consulted as first line therapy. You wouldn’t take care of a physical ailment by asking someone who “read a lot of medical textbooks”, you would ask a licensed physician. Just MHO.February 9, 2011 5:48 am at 5:48 am #738890
Ctrl Alt Del, Life Coaches are certified and you should not trust one that isn’t. You can’t learn how to coach by reading books alone, there is a lot of work involved in the course and if you do it with commitment you get certified if you don’t you fail. So don’t assume it is a “made” up profession with no oversight, it isn’t. There are many social workers who I now see place the title Life Coach behind their name.
And again different people need different approaches and different types of help. Anyone with a psychiatric disorder or in need of medication will not go to a LIfe Coach their first line of therapy is an MD. If they need “talk” therapy they will go to a social worker, if they need to move forward they will go to a Life Coach.
I take offense to your assumption that a Professional Life Coach is a person who reads a lot of books. That is demeaning and disrespectful. In addition maybe you should not blame the “coach” but your family members who were not committed to making changes or making better choices in their lives.February 9, 2011 3:24 pm at 3:24 pm #738891Ctrl Alt DelParticipant
Aries, I understand that there is a certification behind it but there is still no licensure. Look, if there is a bad life coach out there who is above them to complain too? Can their certification be taken away? Can they be reprimanded? And by whom? There is no governing body. You can get these certifications online too. As for the social workers, they have a license. And thus if there is ever a real problem the client does have recourse. And there are certain guidelines that they have to follow. It is very easy for an unlicensed person to overstep their bounds, because there really are no “bounds”. I am sure that there are wonderful people who are life coaches and are good at it too. And I’m sure that they are very helpful to their clients. I just am very wary of their training and therefore I always suggest that if a person needs to work through something that they seek out someone who has licensure in some discipline. Social work, medicine, or psychology.February 9, 2011 3:56 pm at 3:56 pm #738892cum laudeMember
I couldnt help but join in on this topic that is very close to my heart. I am going to try to put this as simply as possible. People go to school to learn many different things. I think there is a lot of bad rap out there about life coaching which I think if we need to understand where the rap is coming from, then we will have more clarity. Some people in the helping field, that have schooled, worked, invested years of time, have a hard time understanding the life coaching dynamic, and respecting it. I can only say, that any provider be it a social worker, LMHC, family therapist , life coach, if honest and clear about his or her boundaries, of what he/she can and can not do, is providing an amazing opportunity for a person in need of that service, to do some good work. As providers we must realize that many times people do not know what type of service they need or will accept,at a given time. So oftentimes will arrive at the wrong address for work that needs to be done. Aries was very clear about what coaching is and is not, but we can not always assume that a “healthy” person is arriving to your doorstep, and you may not know it until you have already established a good working relationship, and they make you suddenly privy to some deep dark past trauma. Can you honestly say that you will send this client packing to someone who specializes in EMDR or such? The client likes you and feels safe with you. There are coaches that will do some psychodynamic approaches and sometimes they are not trained as such. If you do that type of work, please make sure you have the training and experience to go there with a person. The bad rap is with providers that are overstepping boundaries and losing track of the goals which is to get people to the right place to do what needs to be done with a client so they can break free from the chains that bind and blind them. Any professional needs to remember what “service” really means. Well said Aries, people are not coming in to walk out and think OMG I am so broken, I need fixing. The canvas for any good work in therapy begins with honoring a person for even reaching out and walking into your door. What courage it took for them to want to take that step. That is the stepping stone to accomplishing goals. I think that all people involved in this field, if clear about what our specialty is, will have success in effectively reaching goals with our clients, be it in whatever modality he is specialized in. The goal is to get better, different things work with different situations. They are all worth praise and respect. There are many times for various reasons that I choose to remain open to the different opportunities that I can recommend clients take advantage of. To answer the original post, coaching is nice just as some other professions within the field, but we need to be open and humble to know that nothing and no one is a fix all. We need to work together and step aside for each trained person and allow them to do what they are good at. When a PCP gives a psychotrophic drug to a patient, it may work. Is it the right way to go? I feel strongly that a psychiatrist is the person that is specialized to evaluate this person. I also believe in teamwork, and all providers being on the same page. I do everything in my power to make that happen. It works.February 9, 2011 6:24 pm at 6:24 pm #738893a maminParticipant
Cum Laude what an elloquent answer!! May you continue to be the right shaliach by helping Klal Yisroel,in your very special derech!!February 9, 2011 10:49 pm at 10:49 pm #738894
cum laude, Kudos!! May you always be the best sheliach for all your clients one way or the other.February 9, 2011 11:30 pm at 11:30 pm #738895
sorry, we don’t allow requests for personal informationFebruary 10, 2011 12:03 am at 12:03 am #738896
“also is it appropriate for a married woman to use a man as a life coach?”
ABSOLUTELY NOT. I know of a case where a girl whent to a MARRIED male therapist and the ramifications were terrible! She’s now married and is STILL struggling. It is a major problem EVEN if there is no physical contact, because, you’re getting emotionally involved. PLEASE. There are many male AND female therapists/life coaches. THERE IS NO NEED TO TAKE A MALE TO A FEMALE OR VICE VERSA. I would strongly recommend you ask Daas Torah before doing something like that. Hatzlacha!!February 10, 2011 12:07 am at 12:07 am #738897
If you get “emotionally” involved with any therapist you are heading for trouble!!!!!!February 10, 2011 12:27 am at 12:27 am #738898
“If you get “emotionally” involved with any therapist you are heading for trouble!!!!!!”
Aries:if it happens, you’re heading for trouble emotionally. But, if it’s the opposite gender you’re heading for trouble emotionally AND spiritually! Humans are wired to become emotionally involved with the opposite gender.Aderaba, YOU’RE the professional – tell me, does anything I wrote contradict reality?February 10, 2011 3:09 am at 3:09 am #738899eclipseMember
i am here,a friend of mine,ML,does it.Same person?February 10, 2011 4:39 am at 4:39 am #738900clearblueMember
What is a Life Coach?
Life coaching requires a certain period of training, usually up to a year, depending on the school, and what you put into it i.e. how many practice hours you are willing to achieve, how closely and for how long you work with a mentor coach, and how consistently you work with one or many learning partners.
A Life Coach is not a therapist or meant to take the place of a therapist. Most people become certified in Life Coaching, because in some way, shape or form, they are already good at it. On top of this, many have professional degrees at the Masters level or above, and bring much colorful background and varied unique talents to the mix. Coaches bring to their practices who they are, what their life experience has been, and what they are capable of, and that is usually reflected in their practice.
A coach partners with a client to reach goals, sort things out, see clearly all options, asks pointed questions, brainstorms, thinks out of the box, has wonderful creativity, and only sometimes gives advice. A coach is extremely supportive and encouraging on a consistent basis with the focus always on you and what you want to achieve. A coach will give you assignments from one week to the next, if you agree, to help you stay accountable to your goals. All of these skills are learned in training, but as mentioned before, a lot depends on what you bring with you.
If you are in a lot of emotional pain, and are not seeing a therapist, a coach is not your first stop. During coach training, a coach is trained to understand what requires a therapist, and what does not. And a professional coach will let a client know that ASAP. On the other hand, coaching can be an adjunct to therapy, to help someone move forward and set goals in addition to therapy.
Depending on the clients needs as well, the option could be in-person, or by phone.
May the Ribbono Shel Olam send each of us the proper shliach for all of our needs.February 10, 2011 5:09 am at 5:09 am #738901cum laudeMember
If I may take the opportunity to shed some light on some points that are being brought up here. I personally know some ehrliche male therapists that have told me that they do not lechatchila take on a woman client. So I ask, you do see the husband, correct? And that man has a wife. In therapy you are working on issues, I am sure. However his responses to life’s challanges also impact his wife, and vica versa. Which he goes on to tell me that sometimes he will bring in the wife…? ? Having said that, the
bottom line is that every care provider within the rules that must be followed under certain codes that bind, needs to do what works for him or her. Everyone needs to establish and create very clear parameters within him/herself as a clinician or coach, and know what will work for them – there are no generalities. What is uncomfortable for one may be totally acceptable to another.
I will neither judge nor evaluate a therapist for those decisions.
I have formed my own opinions in regard to such issues. We can never know what is in the mind of a woman or man coming in to see us. Sometimes the best healing work for a woman who has been through specific traumas can come from a male therapist who is honest, trustworthy, decent and kind There has never been healing without vulnerability. What is CRUCIAL though is that this therapist or coach needs to be firm about his boundaries, which will create for this client a very clear cut and predictable space for some good work to be done. Thus boundaries do not get fuzzy. It is the clinicians responsibility to set the pace and flavor of this meticulous working relationship, but at the same time offer a warm understanding environment. When I go into a room I leave my life outside of that door. The thing I take inside is my heart. I am not afraid to feel my feelings because I trust them as very good indicators for what my gut is telling me in regard to a person. Anyone read Irwin Yalom’s books, as he gives us personal glimpses into his patients dilema’s, desires, and motivations while at the same time struggles to reconcile his human responses
with what goes on in his brain as he treats his patients. If a therapist is afraid of looking into someones eyes to see what it is that he really wants, then perhaps he needs to consider why he is having an issue with this, and deal with it. Maybe he/she needs to clarify his transference,or countertransference issues.
Gosh, things that people have shared with me during my work with them, nothing shocks me anymore today. The issue is not about if I am comfortable or uncomfortable. It can not be about me, that is why they felt they could share it with me in the first place.
If a client wants a therapist that is only frum or of the same gender, by all means go for it.February 10, 2011 5:38 am at 5:38 am #738902
observanteen, you have a lot to learn yet as you grow and mature. ANYTHING can turn into a problem and an issue if you allow it to be. And anything can turn into something from nothing. On the other hand nothing will happen if everything is always professional and on the up and up as with every profession and professional. Unfortunately inappropriate relationships can develop between two males and two females as well. So when it comes to any kind of professional help everyone should look for the best fit depending on what their issues are and who can help them.
Always try to get a recommendation and never just pick someone from the Yellow Pages.February 10, 2011 9:51 pm at 9:51 pm #738903
“you have a lot to learn yet as you grow and mature.”
Aries: You’re DEFINITELY right!! I still have a lot of growing up to do…..
But,I did go through a lot (yeah, even if I’m so young…)and I got to take a glimpse of the world out there. I was also very involved with a case where I was supposed to convince a girl to go to a male therapist and I did some research.
First of all, I ASKED DAAS TORAH, which is of utmost importance! I was told to convince her to go for help, but, I shouldn’t tell her to necessarily go to HIM. I was paskened that if there are female therapists out there that can do the job, I’m not allowed to convince her.
This girl ended up going to the male therapist, and he never even helped her out!! There was ABSOLUTELY NO REASON for her to go to him.
I don’t think you want to take responsibility for the fact that others might think they’re allowed to do it. Anyway, bottom line: Daniel, I think you should ask your rav/rosh yeshiva etc. for advice, and aries: hatzlacha in your work! May Hashem help you help others.
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