ABUSE is NOT ACCEPTABLE and should be called out at the very first sign!
DO NOT WAIT till the abuse continues. STOP it from the get go. Hold the abuser accountable and don’t accept the apology without therapy. Never accept “I will never do it again” without having the abuser accountable to someone other than the spouse! Make sure someone knows about it from the get go whether it is a therapist, a Rav, your parents. DO NOT keep it private. Don’t make a nothing from it, it is a something. Don’t make excuses for it, whether s/he was drunk, upset, depressed whatever. Each of these issues are issues and the result is bad. The issues have to be dealt with so the end result does not happen again.