Reply To: After the boy says yes…..

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“oomis: That is a very unnatural situation. Was all that clearly communicated to the guy? Because the guy’s assumption is that you are simply calling with another “idea”, and that there is not shibud to get back to you with a definite answer. In fact, often there cannot be a definite answer, because you would go out with her, but would rather go out with someone else.” (PBA)

The young man was redt a shidduch. His parents were given the girl’s profile. They WANTED their son to be redt a shidduch and he is 30 already. The shadchan and the boy’s family had spoken back and forth, they wanted this info and that, and it was given, within the week. Despite the shadchan’s calls after a week or so, they did not call back. After a couple more weeks passed, the shadchan called saying she did not want to sound like a nudge, but a yes or no was needed. Still no call back. After a few more weeks, and only because the girl said she was no longer interested in someone who was so discourteous, there was no further inquiry on her part. And then, the boy finally responded with a no, after it was all over anyway.

There was no miscommunication, no misunderstanding. The boy was not then nor had he been previously “busy” with anyone – far from it. And any boy who views getting back to a shadchan with a yes or no as a “shibud” – is probably not ready to get married. Someone who really wants to be married and have a wife, home, and family, views it as a MATANA, not a shibud.