why do you park in a DRIVEway and drive on a PARKway?!
Because reversing either of these would make your insurance rates go way up.
Why does an alarm go off when it really goes on??
The electric current that keeps the latching relay from closing is turned off.
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
how did the guy who invented cottage cheese know when he was finished?
The answer to that one would curdle your blood.
Who was the first one to realize that you could sell stale, hard cookies – just by changing their name to biscotti?
a) Who realized you could sell stale, hard, scorched cookie dough just by calling it cookies?
b) Luigi Biscotti, of course.
Why do drive up atms have braille lettering?
For the passenger in British cars.
Why is lemon juice made of artificial flavors but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Because real lemon tastes like soap.
Why would someone order a double burger, large fries, and a diet coke?
For himself, for himself, and for his wife.
Why are cigarettes sold at the front of the pharmacy but to get medicine you must go all the way to the back?
Why do 24/7 7-11 stores have locks on their doors?
a) For the extra 1/4 day on leap years.
b) To stop you from leaving w/o buying anything.
Why do banks leave their doors wide open, but chain the pens to
the counter?
Because if they were chained to the ceiling no one could reach them.
How do you tell when sour cream goes bad?
When it comes home after curfew, smelling of cigarette smoke.
Why is it that you’d avoid someone that has a temper, and you run when they lose it?
Who was the first one to milk a cow?
Regardless of which it was, the milk ended up in decalf.