Reply To: Correcting a misconception about parnassah

I would suggest that perhaps it is an outlook that delegitimizes kollel learning because it is perceived as akin to begging or schnorering, that breeds resentment and anger. But this is not true. Hashem built this system into klal Yisroel. Shevet Levi and shevet Yissachar all were forced to rely on other people for their parnassah because they were the entrusted with perpetuating the Torah. They were the Lomdei and M’Lamdei Torah (in general) and the rest of us were the Machzikei Torah (again, in general). We gave terumos and maseros. Zevulun took care of Yissachar. Nowadays, it is the yeshivaleit and kolleleit who have this job.

OK we are getting somewhere. Thanks for keeping it civil, and Refuah Shelaima.

I think the parents who are resentful would be willing to “support” if:

1: It did not make their own life more difficult, pushing off retirement and/or making them stay longer at work, and losing both family time and time for themselves to learn.

2: The child in question was grateful toward the supporting parent(s), and not exhibiting a “holier than thou” attitude.

3: The child in question is actually learning to his full potential and not loafing off. Rav Moshe famously said “Before learning in Kollel, first you have to learn like a Ba’al Habos!”.

4: (maybe the most critical) The support is for a finite period, so that the parent can retire and/or help other children for their first few years.

5: When the boy won’t go out with your daughter unless he is supported for x years, expect resentment.

Personally, I think being supported until the first child (or even longer if possible) in EY learning is a wonderful thing, and helps solidify a marriage (away from parents & with fewer worries), but it has to be done right.

And most critical: Perhaps the Zevulan dollars are better spent with someone other than the persons son or SIL, and both of them realize it.