I’m sorta on the same page as Health. How ’bout this:
* Charter a bus from a homeless shelter, and bring them in for the kabbolas ponim
* Call the health dept with an anon tip
* Show up to the wedding in the same dress as the ‘other’ person (same dress as future mother-in-law would be a 2nd best, but still a real prize winner)
* Call all the guests and tell them the wedding was moved to another <far away> hall.
See? You can make this a happy moment after all!