157,
-1. There’s a HUGE difference between “I really don’t care” and “I can’t help these women who settled.” I’m wondering how one can so easily interchange the two.
(Have you ever asked Hashem to help when seeing a Hatzala ambulance racing by with wailing sirens? Or is it “I really don’t care.”)
-2. Once again there is the refrain of “..these women who settled” as if this issue has not been addressed. So I’ll repeat:
“…the “gentleman” in question was unlikely to behave in such a manner during dating. No doubt he was probably charming. SO the lady chose him as he presented himself, not as he actually was…so no, she didn’t get what she wanted. NO ONE wants that, no matter how desperate you seem to think a woman would be…”
The woman did NOT settle. As one typically gets to know a partner more fully only after marriage, that is when she realizes she got more than she bargained for. BTW, this scenario can happen the other way around, too.
-3. The blame for abusive treatment of a spouse lies squarely on the one doing the mistreatment. It’s as simple as that. Such poor behavior can rarely be stopped unless there’s serious intervention. So tell your friends they can stop blaming themselves.
-4. As you know, one cannot get married under the assumption that the partner will change. Assume the partner will not.