I have a mental health issue and I spoke to a rav a number of months ago and was told that I should not tell until the third date and that my references do not have to say anything unless specifically asked BUT that is with me telling the boy on date three so nothing will be withheld when iy”H going into a marriage. I was told that the references can not lie for me!!
Also, so my references wouldn’t feel uncomfortable about what to say, I coached them (with the ravs guidance). They feel much better about being my references and I feel confident going into my dates!