Health – Thank you for giving context to your statements. I am glad to see that we are not really in disagreement, merely referring to different circumstances.
I have a couple of friends who had some really rocky times in their respective marriages and have both considered divorce. It was clear to me that for each of them, the case was one where both they and their spouse were troubled by the state of the marriage and were ready to accept their share in the problems as well as the responsibility of changing things. I encouraged each of them to commit themselves and work to make things better. I was thrilled to watch both of them rebuild their homes stronger and healthier. I say this lest anyone think that I chas v’sholom think that divorce is a lichatchila and that the best way out of the problem is the fastest.
My point in all that I have written here is that divorce is not always the most tragic solution. There are many times when it is healthier and the right thing to do. Many women who don’t leave their situations are not doing it to make it work for the kids but rather out of cowardice. It can be very scary to face one’s family and community and admit that their marriage failed. The prospect of dealing with the finances of a home on top of everything else is daunting. I am not judging woman who lack this courage, merely pointing out the effect that it can have on their kids.
I say this not only from my own experience, but after seeing many, many kids in this situation.
To play silly games of guessing and arguing which problem is more prevalent/damaging is pointless. The only One who can no that is Hashem. Anyone else is merely speculating based on their own feelings/agenda.
I am not and have not making/made any statements to belittle the plight of children of divorced homes. I am merely pointing out that children from a married home can be no less the victim and sometimes deserve to be released from their situations.