adorable (and for “trying to decide”)- to answer you here and about your comment on forgetting about your pain on the other thread:
i know many people who have used their “failings” to help others. i know a girl who almost went OTD, and now helps many, many girls living on the fringe regain their lives back, get married, etc. the book, “just one jew” – the author went completely off and now, after many years of trying and doing everything out there, he is bringing tons of people back. often, because of what one did, they are able to use their remembrance of the pain and understanding of what caused them to do what they did to truly help others.
i agree with bpt – i think you’ll be great in 20 years and will see that everything you have gone through is for your best and actually will help you grow more in the future and help others grow. you can do it!